We're buying a house!

And it will be magnificent.

It's a 90 m2 little piece of heaven in the Swedish woods, with a lake and beach about 400 meters away.

True to ourselves, one of the first things we noticed with the soon-to-be-all-ours abode is that the venue offered the excellent option of outdoor LANing, complete with the serene scent of pinetrees and rhubarb. Which I assure you, if you have ever been to a sweaty LAN in the middle of the summer, is quite the upgrade from cheesedoodles and the smell of 10 hairy, sweaty men (and one less hairy yet somewhat sweaty woman) being stuck in a non-airconditioned apartment over a weekend with only the computer fans circulating the air...

And of course, our lovely outdoor area is perfect for sitting outdoors, around the fire, with lanterns and playing pen and paper RPGs.

Oh and not to mention, I get to decorate it. Whiii! I am ashamed to admit I have been looking at wallpapers for a small eternity now. First I wanted to create a rather neutral black and white livingroom with a fucking huge owl photo wallpaper. Then the staring owl freaked Jerry out, and so I went on to create a somewhat steampunky look. And that was too brown. So now I've landed on a white, bronze and red mix that is looking quite fabulous in my mind. We'll see how it turns out.

Wallpaper: http://www.maleributiken.se/maleributiken/index.jsp?a=product&id=72526
And I might have to spend the extra dough for this fantabulous piece of wonderwood: http://www.mio.se/Vardagsrum/Bord/Soffbord/Rockport-Soffbord/

I am quite fancying a red couch but I believe it would be too much in our little livingroom, so it'll have to be Espressobrown or something. Not grey. Fuck that shit, Im so tired of looking at grey, square couches now I might actually have developed an physical allergy, manifesting itself with violent vomiting.

Dear god I am considering starting up a interior design blog.

Kill me slowly with the wrath of a thousand colic-suffering, unchanged babies.

Talk about violent vomiting, (noooo, she would never) my evil twin started blogging too. Check her our, although beware: she seem to favor swedish. http://obekabloggen.blogspot.com/

Monday Night Combat

I've been meaning to play Monday Night Combat since I read about it in PC Gamer a while ago, and so I picked it up now during Steam's Summer Boot Camp sales. So far, fun stuff! I love how its combining lanes ala DoTA and the FPS fun of TF2. At first it kind of reminded me of the Arena games in Borderlands Mad Moxxy DLC, which I was rather worried about. But the lanes saves the game, gives it more of an edge. Or at least so I hope. The problem with Mad Moxxy was how long winded and boring it got after only a short while.

What are you supposed to do? Defend your home base against the opposing team. Red vs Blue. Classic. Upgrade turrets, upgrade skills, upgrade your robots and help them break through the lane of opposing robots and of course, fuck up the counterpart.

Looking forward to playing this properly in a LAN environment. Should be fun!

Lady of the Flies!

cake conspiracy

This really happened. Last night.

Tuesday (is Raid Night)

Somehow this is much more believable then Friday.

Also, homemade lasagna today! w00t!

Turns out I have Bechterews.

Well its not really that much of a shocker. The idea that it could be Bechterews I have has been circulating for about a year now, but its hasn't come to the point where they actually wanted to give me the diagnosis or alter my treatment any until this stage.

I've been experiencing a lot of back problems, the last year especially. I felt it's become progressively worse, and unfortunately since I already had a diagnosis and am on medication, I feel that it haven't really been taken very seriously by the Reumathologist dept. of the hospital I'm connected to. Which isn't really anything I'm not used to; you never feel you're taken seriously unless you talk to the doctor that is specifically appointed to taking care of you; and getting an appointment with that doctor, well -that's easier said then done. So you get stuck with all these emergency doctors or who ever is available, and since they have no interest in reading your 8 year long file and have no idea how viable your claim is or how "whiny" this particular patient is, they usually just solve it by going "ahuh... ahuh... So maybe some cortisone and uhh... have you tried Voltaren?".
Thank you, yes, I've tried just about every goddamn pill on the market. Trying to actually move your treatment forward in a slightly faster phase is really a uphill sprint on rollerblades.

But yeah; since my X-Rays have proven I now have some ... "changes" to the lower back bones, coupled with some other symptoms I've had since the very start of my illness, its become pretty clear its Bechterews I'm dealing with. I was kind of hoping that for once it was just some tendon stress that could be solved with some back massage or some fancy voodoo, not another permanent sticker on my bum.

On the other hand its good to finally have some validation that I'm not just imagining it, that I'm not just being "that whiny patient" and that there is a goddamn problem and its not something to just brush off. When you walk around with a problem that is bothering you every waking minute for so long, and no medical authority figure tells you that this is real, then you really start doubting yourself, doubting if you are actually feeling abnormal amount of pain. Because after all, how do you measure pain?

And this is one of the reasons I feel so tired. Trying to measure myself up to a normal standard is just not possible, I have no idea what is normal and what is not anymore. When I wake up in a bad shape and I look out and its raining, I'll find myself blaming the weather. If I did something that would stress my joints the day before, Ill find myself blaming yesterday's activities. But when there's nothing to blame I feel lost.
And then I'm reminded of something my mom once said; "The reason is, you have rheumatism".

She seem to understand one thing many don't; that it might be just as hard, or harder, for me to comprehend what I am actually going through. I know its difficult for those around me who is affected as well, although most handle it well -I have had unfortunate experiences where others have been more conflicted about what to expect from me, resulting in unnecessary bickering or just plain mistrust -that was especially something that was true for the first years after I got ill.

The truth is, you can't see that my body is messed up. Neither can I.
You can't find reason for why I don't function. Neither can I.

You can't fix it.
And neither can I.

Really the only thing that I have that you don't, is the pain. You should think I'd be more certain about the scenario, knowing that I will have these problems for the rest of my life; by I constantly question myself, much because I reflect the feelings others around me portray in relation to my illness, and it makes me uneasy and uncertain.

Its like I'm stuck in some medical matrix and I still haven't figured out what reality I belong to.

So if you're confused, then I welcome you to my realm. We can have tea and compare scars, or maybe just don't say anything at all and just simply pretend that there's nothing left to say about the matter, because its solved or not even happened and everything is understandable all of a sudden and complications is a thing of the past...

Awesome Tord Dancing!

A Tetris Blowjob!

Zelda 25th Anniversary Amazing Artwork - Making of

Things that Annoy me: HoN.

Jerry started playing Heroes of Newerth again and apparently they have a sort of Item Mall now. Some of the things you can buy is your favorite chars in another gender or with another look.. Instead of Moon Queen you can be Sexy Moon Queen. Instead of Succubus you can be Naughty Succubus. And of course there's female Pyromancer and Glacius and other female versions of the most used heroes.

The Sexy and Naughty versions of the already alluring characters is rather... disappointing. Really don't know a better way then to put it like that.
But the worst is still the male char "Pimp Slayer" with the fabulous description "Show dem hoes who's boss as Pimp Slayer" Excuse my french but What the fuck!


Don't get me wrong, there's some pretty cool characters here too like the Adventurer -looking much like a Indiana Jones and the little Bombardier rolling around on a cannon, and while I haven't seen Helga Hammerstorm in action yet she's apparently the first female skinned Strength based hero, which is cool.

Apparently the Sexy, Naughty and Pimp was made as some "Flamboyant" pack together with new commentary-voices which is quite obviously supposed to be a well, a stereotypical flamboyant homosexual. (However I don't know how the gay gamer community feels about that so I'm not going to be offended for them just for the heck of it.)

Usually I can smile about jokes that's not meant for me, and even jokes made on my expense -but I don't find this amusing at all. It just feels wrong.

Another thing about the Item Mall skins, I like playing female chars because I relate to it more, however I really dislike having to pay extra to play the gender of choice when they have both genders ready made by the developers -such as the case of female Pyromancer, Glacius and Helga Hammerstorm.
There was another F2P FPS called Crossfire where they had item malls that I played a little a few years back, and their most expensive item was a female skin. For some reason that pissed me off enough to stop playing.

It just feels like they're forgetting they have (potential) female players at all.

On a completely unrelated note,
my body's a effin mess. My back, my ribs the whole s'bang is acting up and leaving me problems all over the place, such as having a hard time breathing and not sleeping well, as well as making senseless rambles while on painkillers on Twitter.
I'm pissy about the health debates going around in the RA-community which just keeps reminding me about these success-stories that makes it sound as if you're still in bad shape after suffering for a few years it means that you're just not trying hard enough. There was a pretty good blog post (in norwegian) from "Giktbloggen" on the subject.

To top it off a tooth filling's fallen out so going to have to fix that. Bah. Generally the last weeks have been pretty piss poor for me and its affecting my mood, so my apologies if I've been cranky towards anyone.